It's that time of year again, the beginning of the holiday season.
Thanksgiving is a time to come together as family and friends to break bread and avoid those huge, dancing, pink elephants in the room. Sharing a meal with folks you may, or may not, see often can lead to some interesting table talk and once in a while the cops will show up. Here are five pointers to keep Deputy Jimmy away from your holiday gathering.
1. Don't talk about politics. Especially this year, leave it at the door and never talk about it. As far as you are concerned the election happened six months ago.
2. Don't talk about touchy subjects regarding family. This can range from AA to living in sin. Leave those subjects alone because it's a sure fire way to offend someone and the neighbors will notice two or more people in your yard throwing punches. Also, leave the subjects of botched marriages alone too. The moron or moron-ette may be sitting across from you, but for some unknown reason this vermin makes your relative happy. Live with it, you'll survive for a few hours.
3. Don't talk about religion. As far as you're concerned nobody or everybody at the table has faith. Leave it at that. Any discussions of religion can lead to heated discussions that also pull in items from number two. Just don't talk about it. It's bad taste.
4. Don't eat feet. Keep something in the mouth of the cantankerous old relative. This could be a mouthy 80 year-old grandmother or the bitter uncle. Just keep them chewing and they won't talk. Chances are if they have an opportunity, they'll open up a can that will violate the first three rules. Much like children, just keep them busy.
5. Do talk about other people's family. This is a great opportunity to gossip, as long as nobody at the table has any real ties to said family being gossiped about. I guarantee the neighbors are talking about how your weird cousin has been lighting up behind the barn, just like you're talking about the neighbors redneck brother-in-law pissing in the shrubs. Chances are gossiping about others will lead to laughs and that's always a good thing.
Remember these five things, including complimenting those who prepared the meal and you should make it through Thursday. If all else fails, take a vow of silence and hide in the den with Uncle Al and watch football all day. He'll fall asleep in the chair, but staying out of sight is usually a sure fire way to stay out of trouble.
First and foremost, enjoy the company. No matter who you choose to spend your holidays with take a moment to reflect on the blessings in your life. Family may be a pain in the ass, but you have them. Eating with people you don't know very well may be awkward, but at least you get to share your meal. Remember those things, and always remember when it comes to family, you have to love them...you don't have to like them.
-MO-
1 comment:
Loved the latest post! It's so true. Now I'm searching for more specific Holiday survival advice.
Here is my shituation: I'm heading to Texas with the boyfriend to spend Thanksgiving w/ his family. They are all Philipino (so I stick out like a giant sore thumb). But at least it's Texas, so I'll blend in w/ the rest of the people. I'm going for 5 days. Five days of quality time w/a family that I don't know (well, I've met most of them, but not long). It should be interesting to meet grandma. She threatened to punch the boyfriend when he told her he was gay. Who knows what's in store for me.
Oh and so 14 of us will be staying in the same house. For 5 days. They're fun people, so despite it all, I'm excited. But 5 days?? They're very open w/ their opinions. At the very least, I'll come back w/ plenty of stories for you.
But what's your advice? Should I be this excited? Or is it just a way for me to not have to admit that it could be one highly stressful weekend that no booze known to man can overcome? Come on... give it to me straight. I can handle it. Even if I can't, let's at least make jokes. That's what gets me through the hard times.
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