21 shot salute...

Back in the day going to Aggieville was part of the week. Wednesday through Saturday we could be found sipping specials. In all my years of living it up in the ville have I have not experienced a 21st birthday like this one.

It had all the makings for a good time. Beer, food, friends, cops and drunks.

When the parents and babies vacated the party home it was game on. The birthday girl slipped on the princess crown and hung the noise maker from her neck - and downed four shots to get warmed up. To be smart we walked the seven blocks to Aggieville, well most of us walked.

First stop Red Stripe and Reggae in an Irish pub. If it looks weird, sounds weird and feels weird - newsflash, it is weird. Needless to say the four bucks laid down for a shot had us all surprised. "I didn't even get a kiss first," was said in response to the inflated liquor prices. The second stop had Texas country dubbed over hip hop, very conflicting. I wasn't sure whether to pull out the gun to shoot a whitetail deer, or cap somebody's ass.

When we meandered over to the third stop I noticed the dress code on the door. No excessively baggy clothes, no cut off sleeves and no chains. No chains? Is this a problem in Manhattan? I could see log chains behind a 4x4 maybe. Some of the dinosaurs in the group (that includes me) tried to remember what the bars used to be before new owners gave them dumber names than before. It was at that moment I realized I had spent way to much time in the Ville in my day.

When the birthday girl was done dancing we moved to a new bar. The dinosaurs couldn't remember if it was a herp shack or a vacated building before. FYI, this is Manhattan, Kansas, not Manhattan, New York. I was confused when I walked in the door. I guess I didn't get the memo about the stilettos. They have leather couches at this bar and one of our group sat down and leaned against her boyfriend. Apparently if you lean to the right it means your intoxicated, too intoxicated to be in the bar - she got asked to leave. Let me point out that the bouncer probably has never heard of the Smurfs, so for him to judge her intoxication level was a joke. So we left.

Two of us got left and didn't even realize it. I guess our dinosaur ears couldn't distinguish the new communication style of these kids - texting your location. Back in the day you just figured it out. If you got left you hoofed it or got a random ride. So we did.

As we walked through the park we see road cones. It's a DUI checkpoint, and it's right in front of the party house. Score. (I haven't been this giddy since Porter's had 10 cent wings).

Once we all arrived home (in shifts) and uncrossed all the wires that were a tangled mess we pulled up some lawn chairs, a few beers, (a sleeve of crackers and a Gatorade for the birthday girl) and some late night grub to watch the festivities unfold in front of us.

First, let me say the Riley County Police Department and Kansas Highway Patrol are awesome. They took our ribbing, and gave it back - all while busting fools thinking they could drive home. We all took bets on which cars would get nailed and which ones would pass. We heckled some of the drivers..."oh, man...you're busted!" and my personal favorite, "walk that line!" One of the cops came across the street to chat with us. He took some pictures with the birthday girl and then took two giant plates of birthday cake across the street to the other officers.

A little car came flying down the street and we knew it was a live one. The cops all hollered "watch out, watch out!" When cops fear for their lives, somebody's going to land their ass in jail. When she finally stopped past the stop sign with her blinker on, six cops gathered around the car. If she wasn't drunk she needed a speeding ticket - at least.

They hollered for a Spanish translator and of course our group yells out..."taco!" and "Que' Pasa!" (Drive drunk and expect people to treat you like the dirt you are). We watched intently as they searched her car and then lead her over to try her hand at stupid human tricks. Somebody yelled, "wrong line - you should be stopped by the fashion police!" Her choice of dress was sketchy, but that was the least of her worries because she couldn't walk the line and she couldn't stand up. This is when we all contemplated our success levels at drunk Olympics. We concluded half of our group could pass, the others would be getting a free ride.

When the checkpoint came to an end some cars drove by, they of course missed out. We yelled anyway, things like..."GREAT TIMING!" and "THANK GOD YOU DIDN'T DRIVE THROUGH HERE TWO MINUTES AGO...YA DRUNK!" We all laughed, and the cops did too. We tried to get them to blow their sirens, but all they did was flash some type of strobe at us. We cheered and then tried to convince them to give us a road cone. No dice.

It had to be after three am when we all retired for the evening. I've witnessed a lot of 21st birthdays, but this one was one of the best. I just hope the birthday girl remembers it.