A new year...

I'm slacking a little, and behind on the New Year's post. This year I resolved to not make any resolutions because nobody keeps them anyway. This prompted me to update/recycle last year's resolution post because let's face it, not much has changed.

Seven out of 10 times resolutions are made under the influence of alcohol as you cry into a beverage about how the year sucked and the next one has to be better. I can say that for the past four years I have not been under the influence, which is probably why I haven't made any resolutions. I'm not really sure I buy into that resolution nonsense because you should change to be a better person whenever you need to, not just once a year.

Making a resolution is like lying by omission. It's still lying - to yourself.

Here are five of the top resolutions made each year and why they are destined to fail.

Lose weight- This is the worst resolution, and it often comes as you shove cold pizza down your gullet after a night of binge drinking with your friends. It mostly goes like this...

"Can you believe we ate this whole pizza?"

"Oh, God."

"We gotta eat better. I resolve to eat better to lose weight and be healthier because I'm not getting any younger."

"Where do you wanna grab lunch?"

"I don't care, Burger King is right down the street and they have a drive-thru because look at me (still in pajamas and not having showered) - I'm not getting out of the car."

Sidenote:I totally blame Girl Scouts for blowing this resolution for most people. Seriously, selling your cookies at the beginning of the year? Come on - you little people peddling sweet treats are the reason most people make this resolution. Oh, but thanks for those "reduced fat" options - because we all know snarfing down an entire box of those is MUCH better...

Workout more- come on, really? You just drove through Burger King because you were too lazy to even get out of the car. Like you're going to drag your butt to a gym.

Be nice to others - this one lasts until you get back to work and realize the reason you thought you needed to make the resolution in the first place. Just resolve to speak softer so nobody can actually hear you cussing your co-workers.

Save money - forget it. Enjoy it before the government and half the country use it for their own enjoyment.

Live within my means - See above. If you want to buy a yacht, buy a yacht.

If making resolutions somehow makes you feel better about yourself, then by all means, set yourself up for disappointment in 2012.