Oh, that smell...

Last week I was greeted at my office door by a smell that could gag a maggot.

Something was dead.

I was surprised I didn't see vultures circling the building. My eyes started to water and I had a hard time functioning because of the stench. "Something is freaking dead," I told our jack of all trades.

"Dead?"

"Dead," I repeated. "I told you about it last week."

So it had been ripening for a good week of 80 plus temps - in a metal building, by the way.


"Yeah, and we moved all your stuff and didn't find anything dead," he sipped his coffee.

"Um, check again," I wasn't about to work for the next few days in a mortuary for something. "Try the ceiling."

"Well, I did find a dead mouse in the ceiling over in production, I suppose you could have one," he went to fetch the ladder and I moved to another room.

"You know," he started. "It could be in the wall, and in that case you're just outta luck. It'll eventually decompose."

"I can't hack it that long," I shook my head. "I even drove to Walgreens this morning to get air freshener that smells like sea grass to get the smell covered up."

"Yeah, I can smell it," he said. "Now it just smells like covered up dead stink."

"Just get whatever is smelling out," I requested.

He started digging and moving ceiling tiles as I worked in an adjacent office. I could hear the tiles moving and the digging and then I heard him come down the ladder. I hoped he hand something for me.

"I found it," he said. "They're just resting."

"Huh?" I asked. "You found what?"

"Three mice. Not sure if they are the blind variety, but three mice resting up in your ceiling," he told me, trying to be funny - but at this point I really failed to see the humor.

"Did you remove them?" I asked.

"Not yet," he replied and continued drinking coffee.

"What are you waiting on, for them to completely decompose?" Now, at this point I was tired of the funny. I wanted the dead, rotting, carcass of whatever rodent was up there gone. I wasn't willing to wait until the temps rose to the mid 80's again to have them cook the little devils once again.

"No, I was just letting them rest," he really thought he was being funny.

I was starting to lose my patience.

"I need into my office," I started. "I want my office back. It's bad enough it's been filled with boxes for the last three weeks, but now it smells like mouse ass and sea grass - I just want the stench to go away."

"Okay, okay," he sighed. "I'll get them out."

He got them out, but I'm not convinced that was all there was. It still doesn't smell right, but I'm not sure if it's mouse ass - or cheap sea grass.