Just say it already...

Communication is the key to success, and demise, of all relationships. All. Of. Them.

No exceptions.

You may have to communicate with a boss, coworker, family member, or spouse. If you can't communicate effectively nobody's needs are met, and nobody is happy - or one person is happy while the other person limps along because they think everybody else is happy. It all depends on your personality, how you communicate, and how you want to be communicated with.

It's all very, very fascinating to me. People, personalities, and what makes people tick.

I consider myself an excellent reader of people. Most of the time. Although, there are some people who are like reading an encyclopedia. I just can't comprehend all the stuff coming at me, and I either close the book or stay up and read all night and feel like I got absolutely nowhere.

I recently had a sit down meeting at a pizza place with the pastor of a church I've started to attend in this new journey of renewed faith, and being Catholist (a hybrid Catholic Methodist). He's about my age, and we have some things in common. He emailed me and asked to meet for a slice and a pint. There was beer, so I was there. I wasn't sure what to expect, so I decided to go with one of my new mantras in life, "just roll with it".

The meeting of the minds was insightful, and educational. I'm in marketing, so we talked about communication, a lot. I've been through leadership training, so we talked about personalities and how they communicate. We talked about corporate business environments and how things all tie together. We started talking about me, and how I communicate, and how I handle my job in marketing and public relations.

The guy knew me all of an hour (I think I've had maybe one previous conversation with him), and he had me pegged. In fact he was so spot on, I almost called a mutual friend and asked if he'd debriefed the pastor.

Then I realized he's an expert in assessing communication. We had been talking for an hour and he had me all figured out. Here I thought I was so observant in others, I never once thought about how others perceived my personality and communication style.

He deciphered that I was a harmonizer. Check.

I dislike conflict. It makes me uncomfortable to be around people who are upset and unhappy with a situation. I am a nurturer. I want to fix things. I bottle up how I feel. Check, check, check, check, and big ol' check.

"You have to tell people what you need or what you want, they can't read your mind, or the subtle hints you drop - because you do that, don't you?"

"Um, yes."

Guilty!

Then we went into how I process those emotions. I bottle things up because I get angry about feeling not good enough for situations, and all of those little insecurities that seep into your life. You may try really hard to fight those things off, but you don't. They get in.

"You probably need to feel appreciated in ways other than people saying thank you?" Damn it. This guy was good. "You like hugs?"

Ha! WRONG! I got him!

"Actually, I'm not a big hugger. I've gotten much better, but there must be a level of trust there and a level of 'you're on the cleared list to invade my personal space'".

He looked surprised, "That's really uncharacteristic of a harmonious personality."

"I don't do things the characteristic way," I smiled.

"Deep down you like hugs though," he said with a grin.

I was deflated. He saw through me! "Maybe." I wasn't going to admit defeat!

"You just use that as a defense mechanism so you don't have to feel rejected when you come across a non hugger, or someone that may not want to hug you."

Ack! "Mayyyyyyybeeeeeee," I was laughing at this point.

He was so right.

"I bet you've had stomach issues your whole life, too?"

"Seriously dude, did somebody write a book I don't know about?" I said with a laugh.

"It's usually spot on," he said. "Even if you try to be something you aren't, the real you comes out. You can be a hybrid of more than one, sure, but there is always a dominant that comes out."

Apparently that dominant is out more than I thought. There is no doubt I am an introverted extrovert, I am loyal to a fault, I have many acquaintances (some very good acquaintances that are dear to me), but when it comes down to it I can count my core group on one hand. They are in my circle of trust. They know me well because I allow them to. That one core group I would go to the end of the world for.

My meeting turned into an uplifting therapy session, and it was well worth the $16 for pizza and beer. It may have been the cheapest therapy session ever! It was refreshing to have a conversation about professional struggles I've had in the past few years, and my quest to avoid them as I start my new chapter. It was great to talk about goals for myself, my new lease on life, and how I wanted to start changing to be a better me. I want to be a better friend, daughter, sister, co-worker, and all of the things I am everyday.

In all seriousness, the meeting has reaffirmed to me that things happen for reasons, and God really does put people in your life when you need them. I've been blessed with some pretty special people, and as I discovered last last night they all were given to me at times when I needed them.

I just didn't always know I needed them at the time.