Hot is an understatement...

Here in southwest Kansas we have had some extreme heat like much of the state (country). July was the hottest month in recorded history for Dodge City with an average temperature of 102.39 degrees - breaking the 101 degree average in 1980. There were 23 days with temperatures above 100 degrees and since September we have only had 2.16 inches of rain. That's dry - even for out here in the middle of nowhere. 


So, I've decided to share my chuckle for the day. I received this in my inbox this morning and I have no idea where this came from, but I can tell you that I didn't write it. 

Dear Diary,

Just moved to southwest Kansas! Now this part of the state that knows how to live. 

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful.

 I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an 

air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to

 see 

the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus

 and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. 

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used 

to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting 

used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. Got third degree burns over 60 percent of my

 body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my 

lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. 

By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen 

up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.

 The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though.

 No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's

 hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC 

repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for three nights now, $225,000 house 

and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost 

$500

 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to

 strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is 

boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on 

the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to 

the seat. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my

 legs and

ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.

 Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two 

damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. 

Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, 

so my $1700

 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot 

to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The 

installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for 

you

 today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. FREAKING SOUTHWEST KANSAS! What kind os a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.