Another draft...

With fantasy football in full swing, Creative Disasters (my team) is tanking already. So I decided to rehash/repost one of my older blogs. 


We have fantasy sports leagues, so why don’t we have fantasy dating leagues?

The ability to draft a team of men that will fulfill my number one goal – winning. 


I draft my teams after tedious research while considering current statistics, past season numbers and even season predictions. If I can do that and win games that don’t exist, perhaps I can draft men to take the place of a relationship – that doesn’t exist. 

Consider the possibilities if you could draft players on the team that excel in specific areas. There’s the emotional support, the financial support, the fun factor, arm candy and of course the most important the domesticated type. Throw in a couple of bench players and you have yourself a team of seven – or one for every day of the week if you want to get technical. 

Here are some things to consider when drafting for each position. 

Emotional Support: Pick someone that is sensitive, but not weepy. There is nothing worse than a dude that cries more than you do. This position also takes care of professional venting. He asks you how your day was, and always serves as a sounding board when it comes to that challenge at the office. Remember, this guy always tells you that you’re right, too. And the biggest thing - he doesn't tell you how to fix it. He does what he's supposed to do, and  that's listen. 

Financial Support: This position doesn’t need Forbes type wealth, but somebody comfortable that can help contribute to a comfortable lifestyle. Being able to buy groceries without a fear of a debit card being declined is a must, and not having to develop a bill mailing strategy to avoid bounced checks is important. Booking last minute vacations without having to move money around is a definite plus. I'm not asking to quit my job here, just contribute to the pot. 

Fun Factor: This is that guy that likes the things you do, or can at least tolerate your hobbies. For example, my draft choice has to have these types of lines in the arsenal. 

• “Hey, I got us some hockey tickets…in Nashville and I already booked the flight and hotel.” 
• “Oh, we can’t go to that art opening, it’s on a Monday and the Cowboys are playing the Redskins.” 
• “Look, if it’s breaking news that matters ESPN will tell me.” 
• “It’s Sunday, that’s race day.” OR "It's Sunday, that's race day - I'll just leave you alone for five hours." 
• "I don't really want to go shopping with you, I'd rather go sit in a tree - for hours." 

The fun factor guy can also be that guy that brings home a case of beer and a few friends that don’t over stay a welcome. He can play cards without pouting, and he can take a joke. Not to mention he makes you laugh so hard you cry. And he has to like your friends, too. 

Arm Candy: This is obvious. He looks good. He doesn’t have to talk – he just has to stand there. This is kind of like your kicker (you can survive without it). Just remember although a nice treat, candy doesn't last forever. 

Domesticated Type: This guy is a gourmet cook that can remove calories from everything while cleaning the shower and scrubbing toilets. Oh, and in a perfect world bears children.

Benchwarmers: These are your backups, so they need to be competent and a few selected flaws can be tolerated. One of these two guys needs to be proficient in more than one position too. Since there are only two back-ups, choose wisely. If your star goes down this guy has to step in and score points. 

Once you’ve got your fantasy team locked down, pick a creative name and start the rat race to the top. 

Each day is a game. You earn points for the good (completed passes or yards gained) and you lose points for screwing up (fumbles and interceptions). One of your guys makes you laugh he gets a plus one. He makes you cry though, and that's a minus 50. Making promises he keeps is plus 10, but not keeping them is minus 10. You get the idea. Good equals plus and bad equals minus. 

Trades. Sure you can trade, but you're only allowed so many transactions in a season, and maybe they have to be approved by a commissioner (you know, that best friend you don't make decisions without). 

If only it were that easy.