Blow it up...

It's time yet again to play "fireworks, or gunshots" in your local neighborhoods, and that means it's the Fourth of July.

Most places have banned fireworks displays this year because of kindling like conditions. One spark and an entire state goes up in flames. In many places it has been the first time a government (on any level) has used actual common sense. Refreshing, really.

This got me wondering. Why do we use fireworks to celebrate? I wonder if this some sort of government conspiracy to filter money to China. They sell us explosives made by small children in sweat shops for an insane amount of money, and we tell them to just take it off our tab — seems legit.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has a list of safety tips and precautions people should pay attention to when celebrating the fact that priveleged white guys were tired of paying taxes and flipped the finger to "the man."

Here are those tips...

• Fireworks burn at the same temperature as household matches and can cause injuries and ignite clothing if not used properly. 
• In other words, don't shoot bottle rockets at people or throw firecrackers at your buddies, and then laugh about it. 
• NEVER give fireworks to young children. 
• That means you neighbor. Just because your kid can grasp pixie sticks doesn't mean they should be allowed to use sparklers. 
• Check with local police or city/county to make sure discharging fireworks is legal. 
• Take my word for it. If you live anywhere in the middle of the country, it's probably illegal. If your grass is brown, your fireworks will be turned down - or should be. 
• Inspect your fireworks. 
• NOT while lit.
• Avoid unlabeled fireworks. 
• If the label is not in Chinese you should probably avoid. The Chinese ones are the good ones. 
• Homemade fireworks can be deadly and should be avoided. 
• If you ask three fingers Bubba at the discount firework stand, "what does this one do?" And he responds, "kills fish on impact." You probably should just leave without purchase. 
• Respect safety barriers and resist temptation to get close to the firing site. 
• This doesn't mean climb a fence to "see if you can help make it cooler." 
• It's possible for fireworks to fall without detonation. If you find them do NOT touch them, call the fire department. 
• That doesn't mean run down there and see if you can relight it to "double the damn fun."

Hope everyone has a great Fourth of July holiday while keeping all digits in place. You want to be able to excersice your freedom to flip the finger to "the man."