Merry Christmas from the family...

Mom and Dad likely won't be drunk, and I don't have an Aunt Kay - or a Stop N' Go in our town — but I'd like to say Merry Christmas from my family.

One of the best traditions is one shared by many and that's getting together with family, spending time with each other and enjoying the holiday season. Or, you watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and look at the Eddie in your family and point out all the similarities while quoting one-liners like, "Merry Christmas, Shitter's Full!"

This go around I'd thought I'd share a few Christmas memories of mine that typically provoke a smile, or two.


We used to have a wiener dog named Foster. Foster was usually a pretty chill dog and didn't really get into to much. He was more suited for laying on the couch, munching a Cheeto or two, or letting his ears flop in the wind while barn cats rubbed up against him on the sidewalk. One Christmas we arrived home after mass and found that one of the packages had been torn into and upon closer inspection we realized that Foster has nosed around under the tree, plucked out the foot of summer sausage that had been wrapped up for Dad, and ate the whole roll. That's right. A foot-long dog, ate a foot-long roll of spicy beef. Let's just say the spicy runs followed.

When it comes to Christmas traditions my family has their fair share. One tradition is Dad making breakfast on Christmas morning. He makes scrambled eggs and proceeds to make them brown in color by the time they hit the table thanks to all the spices and additions he adds. I don't like eggs, but I do eat Christmas Day eggs. There is no substitute.

The tree comes after the dishes are done. Every Christmas we would have to clean the kitchen spotless before we were allowed to even look at the tree and the Santa loot. Until the counter was lick-able there would be zero presents. We still have that tradition and sis and I are well into our grown-up years.

Another family tradition is opening gifts one at a time. When we were younger watching Grandpa open gifts was torture. He would take the package, pull out the little dull pocket knife, and slice through every single piece of tape because, "the paper is worth saving." We would all get antsy and want to pull the paper off for him, but he was determined to make us wait it out. Something that drove us crazy back in the day, is something we all miss now.

The Nintendo. We didn't have Nintendo the first Christmas it was released, but we did get one eventually. I miss those old Mario days and blowing on a cartridge to help the game play "better." This is something I remember doing as a family — playing Nintendo. I think Dad had more fun with the gaming system than we did.

The trampoline. Every kid has that one thing they long for and when we were about 8 and 10-years old we wanted a trampoline. It seemed like every kid had one but us, and it seemed like a really fun thing to have. On Christmas Eve sis and I sat near the floor vent and listened as Mom and Dad struggled with something that seemed almost too big to get through the door. We looked at each other and with an excited whisper said, "it's our trampoline." We were so damn pumped we crawled right into bed and waited it out. Once we were finally in front of the tree we were greeted with...sleds! We laugh about it today, but there is nothing funny about a kid having to put on that excited fake smile to hide disappointment.

Fishing in the dark. One Christmas we were going to get goldfish. Dad had it all planned out. However, he wasn't planning on the fish going belly up on Christmas Eve. What do you do when your kid's Christmas gift dies before they can enjoy it? You get new fish. Thank goodness Grandma and Grandpa had an old aquarium setup because the aquarium Dad had purchased for four small goldfish was not going to accommodate four larger fish that had to be caught from a stock tank. In the middle of the night. Using headlights. That's right. Grandma and Dad went fishing in the dark with a five-gallon bucket in our stock tank to find the perfect four fish to replace the dead ones.

Needless to say I've never lacked for anything. And, that includes great memories around the holidays.