A open letter...

I was recently inspired by a young woman and have decided to get a blog post out of it. 

This is a letter on behalf of the amazing (single) women I know, addressed to Mr. Right who has eluded us throughout our adult life.  This is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, and fun. So let's keep the pitchforks in the barn. 

Dear Mr. Right,

Hello! I want to first say that I feel like I’m writing a letter to Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy. I am not certain that you do exist, but I have witnessed evidence of your existence. I know several women who have found those who mimic you.  However, I’ve been encouraged to tap into my creativity and give this a shot. It can’t hurt. I once wrote a letter to Santa and asked for a red wagon and I got it, so maybe there is something to this letter writing thing.

So, here it is. This is my letter to you on behalf of the single gals—the ones that aren’t crazy, or at least good at hiding the crazy. By the way, if you are going to show up anytime soon you could at least do me a solid and unload the dishwasher, or take the trash out. I won’t leave any milk and cookies because chances are I ate them while watching Castle. Oh, and don’t bother coming upstairs to introduce yourself. I live by myself and that means I am a light sleeper and you may find yourself castrated by the buck knife that sleeps in the space between my mattress and platform bed (for easy access). Introduce yourself while I’m coherent, and unarmed.


You may remember meeting me (or maybe we have never even met). I am writing to ask one simple question – okay, it is two-parted, but that’s the journalist coming out in me. What are you doing, and why haven’t you scooped us up yet?

I’ll give you a few minutes to gather you thoughts—and get over yourself. I realize that over the past hundred years or so you have this warped sense of entitlement. I blame Walt Disney. You think every woman that you stumble upon is going to be passed out cold, in distress, or in need of rescuing from a fire breathing dragon. I can’t say I blame you. If the roles were reversed I may have a complex, too.

I guess I’ll just start with a simple question. How is it that you have managed to pass on smart, successful, and independent women? These women who are amazing, and talented, and want nothing more than to simply be appreciated? I want to point out I have not said anything resembling matrimony. Most women value the actual relationship and companionship rather than all of the other crap that comes with it. Do you think women pick guys solely on looks? If you do, then you need a kick to the sack. I know a lot of guys that are marginally good looking, and most of them have amazing wives. It’s usually the really good looking guys that marry the biggest bitches*. I’m just sayin’.  Maybe that’s Karma, Mr. I Know I Am Hot And Awesome.

Does Mr. Right only go after girls who act dumb, spend money, and act helpless? Maybe it’s that being independent thing that’s kept you away? Maybe you are put off by a woman who can bring home bacon? How dumb is that? If you both bring home bacon then there is more bacon. Everybody loves more bacon! You can hire women who cook and clean, but those women are not the types that stick around when the money goes away.

You know what they call a man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen?

Single.

My friends are amazing. They are supportive, they are encouraging, and they are not crazy. They come from great families, they have ethics, morals, values, and just want companionship. They’re not asking for a lot here.  And, just because we are over 30 does not mean there is something wrong with us.

I think there might be something wrong with you, Mr. Right. Who passes up women who are easy going, down to earth, hilarious, supportive, and happy to have you? Not all women are the type that commandeers your “guy time,” because we all want girl time, too. We are all wise enough to understand that you need friends, just like we do—and having some interests apart from each other is not necessarily a bad thing. Oh, and distance is not a deal breaker. They make things called cars, and airplanes! I digress.

Mr. Right, we are simply looking for the type of relationship with mutual respect, appreciation, and company.

However, at this point it may just be easier to get a dog.

Sincerely,
Amazing Women Everywhere

*It’s not scientific. If you’re a nice girl it does not mean your husband is ugly.