Flight pattern...

I became a statistic today, one of the 58,800 folks flying over the long holiday weekend, I know I must be out of my mind. (There is this huge race in Charlotte and I'm going to be working, so it's totally worth it).

Departing the Dodge City Regional Airport/Channel Six news station, an hour behind schedule, had me wondering if travel foo was in my future. The plane was coming from Garden City and for those of you without map access, that's 50 miles or a 20 minute flight. We were scheduled to depart at 11:14 and I believe it was well after noon when we taxied to the runway.

There is a flying rule of thumb. The smaller the plane, the worse the ride. Literally, felt like a paper airplane made by the quiet girl in class. You know the kind - it's made badly and has no aerodynamics and as soon as you toss it in the air it takes a nose dive and won't fly. Little bumpy, but I survived - without using the little white bag in the seat pocket in front of me.

The next connection was to MCI, or Kansas City for those of you unfamiliar with airport codes. I had to change terminals, and when I hopped on the bus I told the driver what airline and sat down. Then it sounded like the wheels were going to fall off - literally. Every time the wheel cranked it sounded like tiny gnomes were under the bus banging on the axles with hammers. The guy sitting across from me gave me an odd look.

"What the hell is that," he asked. I shrugged and looked up to the driver. She either didn't hear it (which she would have to be deaf if she didn't), or had learned to block out the sound because due to budget cuts the wheels would have to fall off before anyone fixed it. I figure it was probably the later. "I guess if the driver doesn't care, I shouldn't either," he replied. Good call.

Security was a breeze, which, let's be honest I wasn't worried. I got to my gate and sat down to wait. This is where I wish somebody would have been with me.

A small Asian couple came running. "Wait for plane, wait for plane," the little lady yelled. It seems as though the ticket agent was waiting for them in the first place and paging them repeatedly. The little guy was lagging behind and the wheel caught on his suitcase. The force stopped him. He didn't barrel roll, he caught himself, but he was dragging the suitcase on its side trying to make it to the gate as his wife was yelling "give ticket, give ticket!" They made it.

The next step was the flight from KC to Charlotte, or so I thought. Turns out I had to make a stop in Cincinnati, which I was unaware of. Not a problem, but the ticket agent says we'll be on a regional jet and rolling suitcases need to be stowed under the plane. If you have one, she said, see her for a claim ticket. This is not hard. If your ticket matches the number on the board, that meant you. Apparently she should have been more clear and said: "If you have a suitcase with wheels you need to come get a ticket." Not that it mattered. Half the people boarding didn't have the tickets and it took twice as long. LISTEN PEOPLE!!

We ended up in Cincy and changed crews, so we had to get off the plane. That meant getting our luggage and going to wait for the next boarding opportunity. That also meant that I drug, or rolled, the suitcase to a chair, sat down, and then rolled it back down to the same place I retrieved it from and got back on a plane - not an hour later.

I carry on, so I don't have to screw with finding my luggage in a pile. However, today, I carried my luggage all over hell and back. Actually rolled it up the tunnel and down the tunnel to hand it to some kid who chucked it on a conveyor.

The ticket agent in Cincy announced an oversell and needed a volunteer to stay back and fly in on Friday. Really? Since when is your inability to count seats our problem? Clearly it has to be some system glitch when you have 50 seats and you sell 51. Someone volunteered and all was right with the world again.

The best one of the day, was landing in Charlotte. The flight attendant is buckled in and the plane is moving on the tarmac. That doesn't mean get up and get your iPhone. The best part was when the flight attendant barked over the PA and told the lady to sit down because 'we're not done with the flight' - and the passenger was pissed because she got yelled at. I wanted to turn and tell her she was a moron and that what the flight attendant did was polite because I would have said the following:

"Hey everyone aboard flight 1234, look at the idiot that can't follow directions! That's right, everyone turn and look at the grownup that can't seem to follow simple instructions to stay seated and keep their seat belt fastened. Do you see me standing up, nope. Do you see that all the other passengers listened, they all followed directions. Now SIT DOWN and be patient. Thank you."